We get some clichés along the way and advice from friends who are just as confused as we are, and hope for the best. Because it is! Flirting is a skill.
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And I get it, it really might feel like an encouraging thing to say. The underlying meaning is, "I think you're awesome just the way you are, and others will, too. The very thing that's attractive about "being yourself" is that you are not aware of yourself when you're in that state. The advice to "just be yourself" then has the opposite effect, since it puts your attention back on you -- exactly where you don't want it!
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